she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
