HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
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she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
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If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea