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Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
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