Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
I think my moral compass just broke
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.