The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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