I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash