i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?