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be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
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