she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I accidentally burped into my bong.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
