Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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