Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore