Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
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Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
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not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.