Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?