what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
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I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
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You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle