I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
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Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
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I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.