You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency