It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night