Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.