A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her