she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.