Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.