Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.