You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.