My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.