Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?