You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome