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I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
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