I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.