Texts From Last Night

Last Night in South Carolina (803)

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.

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  (803): Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know. http://tfl.nu/qron
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  i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo

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  (803): i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo http://tfl.nu/7ggy
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  we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found

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  (803): we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found http://tfl.nu/ms3o
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  the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.

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  (803): the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this. http://tfl.nu/qdyt
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  We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.

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  (803): We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep. http://tfl.nu/8q5m
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  I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"

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  (803): I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge" http://tfl.nu/k0vq
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  Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome

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  (803): Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome http://tfl.nu/ce0s
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  Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.

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  You are a god.

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  (803): Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning. (1-803): You are a god. http://tfl.nu/xtrk
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  Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there

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  (803): Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there http://tfl.nu/i0xr
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  I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!

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  Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.

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  (803): I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids! (1-803): Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew. http://tfl.nu/h7pj
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  Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway

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  (803): Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway http://tfl.nu/xe68
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  Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car

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  (803): Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car http://tfl.nu/8fhk
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  I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.

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  (803): I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly. http://tfl.nu/xwln
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  this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie

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  (803): this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie http://tfl.nu/26xl
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  He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry

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  (803): He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry http://tfl.nu/mcy0
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