I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.