Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.