I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We need to get me chipped asap
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.