Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.