Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.