The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.