New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
