help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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