This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing