You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"