My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.