I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
