Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.