hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.