They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
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I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
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Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving