I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.