im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..