I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...