My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
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TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that