you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
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I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.