I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.