I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes