As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.