I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session