She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?