Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Washington (509)

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  I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.

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  (509): I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin. http://tfl.nu/0dob
  Replies (11) Good night (1025) Bad night (503)
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  Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?

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  (509): Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet? http://tfl.nu/3lpx
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  I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.

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  That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?

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  (509): I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood. (609): That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do? http://tfl.nu/arvc
  Replies (7) Good night (1529) Bad night (327)
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  Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.

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  (509): Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner. http://tfl.nu/7ypr
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  Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game

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  (509): Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game http://tfl.nu/0fm6
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  He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced

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  (509): He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced http://tfl.nu/0gfy
  Replies (7) Good night (1441) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
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  I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.

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  Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.

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  (509): I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream. (509): Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility. http://tfl.nu/ehsj
  Replies (3) Good night (849) Bad night (366)
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  He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.

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  (509): He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes. http://tfl.nu/sfqd
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  threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again

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  (509): threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again http://tfl.nu/loxl
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  Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".

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  (509): Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable". http://tfl.nu/w1e1
  Replies (18) Good night (1477) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
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  first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.

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  (509): first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off. http://tfl.nu/heya
  Replies (7) Good night (403) Bad night (1219)
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  So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"

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  (509): So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila" http://tfl.nu/anii
  Replies (3) Good night (1963) Bad night (353)
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  No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.

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  (509): No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry. http://tfl.nu/k8f0
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  I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.

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  (509): I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother. http://tfl.nu/1k08
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  Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?

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  (509): Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills? http://tfl.nu/9geb
  Replies (5) Good night (1101) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt