I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.