I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
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My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
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No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?