I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
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You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.