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Last Night in Minnesota (320)

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Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.

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(320): Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store. http://tfl.nu/lfii

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No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple

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(320): No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple http://tfl.nu/sc0u

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So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.

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(320): So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian. http://tfl.nu/850i

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He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...

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He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.

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(320): He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick... (320): He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis. http://tfl.nu/fuv3

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Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.

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(320): Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later. http://tfl.nu/4ix3

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I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.

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(320): I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years. http://tfl.nu/ge1t

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Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.

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(320): Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house. http://tfl.nu/jt6d

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I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face

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(320): I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face http://tfl.nu/yj9t

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He won't sleep with me again until I commit...

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Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.

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(320): He won't sleep with me again until I commit... (1-320): Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick. http://tfl.nu/wb9n

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Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.

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(320): Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean. http://tfl.nu/p8ix

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It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?

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(320): It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college? http://tfl.nu/c66r

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I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...

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It's been a bad semester.

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(320): I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill... (1-320): It's been a bad semester. http://tfl.nu/n3pf

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3pm strippers are depressing

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(320): 3pm strippers are depressing http://tfl.nu/w12t

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she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride

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(320): she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride http://tfl.nu/iegm

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In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.

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(320): In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen. http://tfl.nu/m4s0

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Last Night in Minnesota (320)

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