Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.