I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.