She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.