Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.