Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change