My Sexting was not on an AP level
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.