Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Maryland (301)

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Just high enough for therapy.

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  (301): Just high enough for therapy. http://tfl.nu/lxm5
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  Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom

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  (301): Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom http://tfl.nu/wuli
  Replies (11) Good night (2256) Bad night (365)
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  Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.

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  (301): Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited. http://tfl.nu/b9mp
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  Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?

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  (301): Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke? http://tfl.nu/hphp
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm a sociology major remember

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  Well that and comm

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  Basically you majored in how to get laid

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  (301): I'm a sociology major remember (301): Well that and comm (479): Basically you majored in how to get laid http://tfl.nu/9p1r
  Replies (2) Good night (1158) Bad night (257)
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  Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury

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  (301): Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury http://tfl.nu/pv7s
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  I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass

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  (301): I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass http://tfl.nu/ww71
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  Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES

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  (301): Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES http://tfl.nu/onhh
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  Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.

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  (301): Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows. http://tfl.nu/8j3i
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  I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.

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  Oh god, what has my life become?

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  (301): I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him. (301): Oh god, what has my life become? http://tfl.nu/d6o7
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  He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.

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  (301): He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home. http://tfl.nu/hk8n
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  She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."

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  That wasn't a compliment.

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  (202): She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal." (301): That wasn't a compliment. http://tfl.nu/gg7a
  Replies (14) Good night (504) Bad night (1954)
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  And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"

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  (301): And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok" http://tfl.nu/hwnp
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  The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.

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  (301): The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able. http://tfl.nu/bzys
  Replies (60) Good night (3791) Bad night (706)
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  I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...

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  (301): I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened... http://tfl.nu/z902
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