She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
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My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery