Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Maryland (301)

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".

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  (301): He said it. He actually said "yes it's in". http://tfl.nu/w699
  Replies (7) Good night (515) Bad night (2026) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?

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  (301): When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off? http://tfl.nu/hj8l
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours

  (301): View more from Maryland

  ........yyyyyyeah that's me

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  (814): There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours (301): ........yyyyyyeah that's me http://tfl.nu/xtm1
  Replies (4) Good night (1365) Bad night (403)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.

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  (301): Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours. http://tfl.nu/5jwu
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.

  (727): View more from Florida

  MAS TEQUILA.

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  (301): FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE. (727): MAS TEQUILA. http://tfl.nu/9ggd
  Replies (3) Good night (1272) Bad night (471)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night

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  (301): Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night http://tfl.nu/cuhc
  Replies (2) Good night (1191) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  just fucking run.

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  (304): i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape? (301): just fucking run. http://tfl.nu/0wzu
  Replies (5) Good night (2828) Bad night (421)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand

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  (301): I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand http://tfl.nu/1hp7
  Replies (1) Good night (1422) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?

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  (301): Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed? http://tfl.nu/ow4j
  Replies (5) Good night (1287) Bad night (352) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"

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  (301): Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles" http://tfl.nu/ewys
  Replies (7) Good night (1251) Bad night (704)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Make me a sandwich

  (301): View more from Maryland

  The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.

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  (845): Make me a sandwich (301): The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich. http://tfl.nu/al2a
  Replies (26) Good night (5919) Bad night (579)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.

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  (301): I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO. (301): Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever. http://tfl.nu/txh9
  Replies (11) Good night (1858) Bad night (417)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  sorry

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  why?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?

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  (301): sorry (304): why? (301): oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you? http://tfl.nu/0491
  Replies (2) Good night (2245) Bad night (485)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving

  (301): View more from Maryland

  He didn't think we needed a taxi

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  (814): I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving (301): He didn't think we needed a taxi http://tfl.nu/o7fa
  Replies (1) Good night (1378) Bad night (430)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Sex on roller skates

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Floating mattress

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Tie

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  (301): Sex on roller skates (202): Floating mattress (301): Tie http://tfl.nu/1xsm
  Replies (7) Good night (1701) Bad night (429)