Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.