Last Night in Maryland (301)

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Uh not that I recall.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Sorry, who is this??

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Yes.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  My liver is screaming fuck you right now.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?

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