Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Alabama (251)

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  (251): View more from Alabama

  I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.

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  (251): I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them. http://tfl.nu/46q5
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  why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?

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  (251): why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us? http://tfl.nu/6pdz
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  Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.

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  (251): Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now. http://tfl.nu/uhhh
  Replies (7) Good night (849) Bad night (2815)
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  THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.

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  (251): THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK. http://tfl.nu/fxxg
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  How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?

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  (251): How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama? http://tfl.nu/p6aj
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  Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.

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  (251): Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on. http://tfl.nu/zy8a
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  Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.

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  (251): Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record. http://tfl.nu/akbh
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  Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.

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  (251): Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf. http://tfl.nu/98oh
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  For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.

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  (251): For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso. http://tfl.nu/t5dl
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  I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.

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  (251): I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this. http://tfl.nu/9nyi
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  Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!

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  (251): Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again! http://tfl.nu/h5pv
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  I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.

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  (251): I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer. http://tfl.nu/4bxr
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  I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.

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  (251): I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision. http://tfl.nu/w9kf
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  When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?

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  (251): When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail? http://tfl.nu/evev
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  He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.

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  Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.

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  (251): He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested. (1-251): Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling. http://tfl.nu/pby0
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