I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.